Falling Up Read online

  Falling Up Shel Silverstein

  [Drawing: line of rooftops along the bottom of the page, and just over the poem, a floating person with one shoe off.]

  I tripped on my shoelace And I fell up --

  Up to the roof tops, Up over the town, Up past the tree tops, Up over the mountains, Up where the colors 2

  Blend into the sounds.

  But it got me so dizzy When I looked around, I got sick to my stomach And I threw down.

  PLUGGING IN

  Peg plugged in her 'lectric toothbrush, Mitch plugged in his steel guitar, Rick plugged in his CD player, Liz plugged in her VCR.

  Mom plugged in her 'lectric blanket, Pop plugged in the TV fights, I plugged in my blower-dryer --

  Hey! Who turned out all the lights?

  COMPLAININ' JACK

  [Drawing: Open box with a spring-neck coming out and laying on the ground (with a duck head poking out behind it) ending in a very human face; facing a child standing with hands behind her back.]

  This morning my old jack-in-the-box 3

  Popped out -- and wouldn't get back-in-the-box.

  He cried, "Hey, there's a tack-in-the-box, And it's cutting me through and through.

  "There also is a crack-in-the-box, And I never find a snack-in-the-box, And sometimes I hear a quack-in-the-box, 'Cause a duck lives in here too."

  Complain, complain is all he did --

  I finally had to close the lid.

  SUN HAT

  [Drawing: illustrates poem]

  Oh, what a sweet child is Hannah Hyde, Oh, how thoughtful, oh, how nice, To buy a hat with a brim so wide, It gives shade to the frogs And the worms and the mice.

  SNOWBALL

  I made myself a snowball As perfect as could be.

  I thought I'd keep it as a pet 4

  And let it sleep with me.

  I made it some pajamas And a pillow for its head.

  Then last night it ran away, But first -- it wet the bed.

  SCALE

  [Drawing: pot-bellied male, wearing only pants, stands on scale, looking down at his belly]

  If I could only see the scale, I'm sure that it would state That I've lost ounces ... maybe pounds Or even tons of weight.

  "You'd better eat some pancakes --

  You're skinny as a rail."

  I'm sure that's what the scale would say ...

  If I could see the scale.

  LITTLE PIG'S TREAT

  [Drawing: piglet sitting on big pig's head, pointing at a sign that reads "CANDY: Come in and people out."]

  Said the pig to his pop, 5

  "There's the candy shop.

  Oh, please let's go inside.

  And I promise I won't Make a kid of myself If you give me a people-back ride."

  UNFAIR

  They don't allow pets in this apartment.

  That's not decent, that's not fair.

  They don't allow pets in this apartment.

  They don't listen, they don't care.

  I told them he's quiet and never does bark, I told them he'd do all his stuff in the park, I told them he's cuddly and friendly, and yet --

  They won't allow pets.

  [Drawing: angry looking little girl pulling on a string which, on the facing page, is attached to a LARGE (at least twice as tall as the girl) vaguely feline face and paw.]

  WASTEBASKET BROTHER

  [Drawing: inverted wastebasket with legs sticking out from under]

  Someone put their baby brother 6

  Under this basket --

  The question is exactly why, But I'm not going to ask it.

  But someone, I ain't sayin' who, Has got a guilty face, Ashamed for lettin' such a lovely brother Go to waste.

  CRYSTAL BALL

  [Drawing: fortune teller with crystal ball and customer]

  Come see your life in my crystal glass --

  Twenty-five cents is all you pay.

  Let me look into your past --

  Here's what you had for lunch today: Tuna salad and mashed potatoes, Green pea soup and apple juice, Collard greens and stewed tomatoes, Chocolate milk and lemon mousse.

  You admit I've told it all?

  Well, I know it, I confess, Not by looking in my ball, 7

  But just by looking at your dress.

  ADVICE

  William Tell, William Tell, Take your arrow, grip it well, There's the apple -- aim for the middle --

  Oh well ... you just missed by a little.

  [Drawing: head with apple on top and arrow through the forehead and out the back]

  NOPE

  [Drawing: person with hair standing on end, looking through microscope at slice of fruit.]

  I put a piece of cantaloupe Underneath the microscope.

  I saw a million strange things sleepin', I saw a zillion weird things creepin', I saw some green things twist and bend --

  I won't eat cantaloupe again.

  NO THANK YOU

  [Drawing: woman buried in a pile of cats; on the facing page a hand 8

  outstretched with a kitten on it.]

  No I do not want a kitten, No cute, cuddly kitty-poo, No more long hair in my cornflakes, No more midnight meowing mews.

  No more scratchin, snarlin, spitters, No more sofas clawed to shreds, No more smell of kitty litter, No more mousies in my bed.

  No I will not take that kitten --

  I've had lice and I've had fleas, I've been scratched and sprayed and bitten, I've developed allergies.

  If you've got an ape, I'll take him, If you have a lion, that's fine, If you brought some walking bacon, Leave him here, I'll treat him kind.

  I have room for mice and gerbils, I have beds for boars and bats, But please, please take away that kitten --

  9

  Quick -- 'fore it becomes a cat.

  Well ... it is kind of cute at that.

  MORGAN'S CURSE

  Followin' the trail on the old treasure map, I came to the spot that said "Dig right here."

  And four feet down my spade struck wood Just where the map said a chest would appear.

  But carved in the side were written these words: "A curse upon he who disturbs this gold."

  Signed, Morgan the Pirate, Scourge of the Seas.

  I read these words and my blood ran cold.

  So here I sit upon untold wealth Tryin' to figure which is worse: How much do I need this gold?

  And how much do I need this curse?

  [Drawing: person sitting on chest with shovel]

  NEEDLES AND PINS

  Needles and pins, Needles and pins, Sew me a sail 10

  To catch me the wind.

  Sew me a sail Strong as the gale, Carpenter, bring out your Hammers and nails.

  Hammers and nails, Hammers and nails, Build me a boat To go chasing the whales, Chasing the whales, Sailing the blue, Find me a captain And sign me a crew.

  Captain and crew, Captain and crew, Take me, oh take me To anywhere new.

  DIVING BOARD

  [Drawing: blank-faced child on diving board]

  You've been up on that diving board 11

  Making sure that it's nice and straight.

  You've made sure that it's not too slick.

  You've made sure it can stand the weight.

  You've made sure that the spring is tight.

  You've made sure that the cloth won't slip.

  You've made sure that it bounces right, And that your toes can get a grip --

  And you've been up there since half past five Doin' everything... but DIVE.

  SAFE?

  I look to the left, I look to the right, Before I ever Move my feet.

  No cars to the left, No cars to the right, I guess it's safe To cross the street ....

  [Drawing: Child looking to one side on the curb, abo
ut to cross the street, 12

  with a safe falling from above directly at them]

  NOISE DAY

  [Drawing: children marching across the bottom of the page, from left to right, with a boom box, a bell, a tuba (out of which is a face with a whistle), a pogo stick, a megaphone, cymbals, an accordian, a dog, a bass drum, and screaming.]

  Let's have one day for girls and boyses When you can make the grandest noises.

  Screech, scream, holler, and yell --

  Buzz a buzzer, clang a bell, Sneeze -- hiccup -- whistle -- shout, Laugh until your lungs wear out, Toot a whistle, kick a can, Bang a spoon against a pan, Sing, yodel, bellow, hum, Blow a horn, beat a drum, Rattle a window, slam a door, Scrape a rake across the floor, Use a drill, drive a nail, Turn the hose on the garbage pail, 13

  Shout Yahoo -- Hurrah -- Hooray, Turn up the music all the way, Try and bounce your bowling ball, Ride a skateboard up the wall, Chomp your food with a smack and a slurp, Chew -- chomp -- hiccup -- burp.

  One day a year do all of these, The rest of the days -- be quiet please.

  MY SNEAKY COUSIN

  [Drawing illustrates poem]

  She put in her clothes, Then thought she'd get A free bath here At the launderette.

  So round she goes now, Flippity-flappy, Lookin' clean --

  But not too happy.

  LITTLE HOARSE

  [Drawing illustrates poem]

  14

  My voice was raspy, rough, and cracked.

  I said, "I am a little hoarse."

  They stuck a saddle on my back And jumped on me -- and now, of course, They trot me and they gallop me, They prance me up and down the town Yellin' "Giddy up, little hoarse."

  (Some things don't mean the way they sound.) DANNY O'DARE

  [Drawing of a bear, with a leg-iron attached to a dangling chain, bowing to a girl sitting on some steps; she looks uncertain, he looks eager]

  Danny O'Dare, the dancin' bear, Ran away from the County Fair, Ran right up to my back stair And thought he'd do some dancin' there.

  He started jumpin' and skippin' and kickin', He did a dance called the Funky Chicken, He did the Polka, he did the Twist, He bent himself into a pretzel like this.

  15

  He did the Dog and the Jitterbug, He did the Jerk and the Bunny Hug.

  He did the Waltz and the Boogaloo, He did the Hokey-Pokey too.

  He did the Bop and the Mashed Potata, He did the Split and the See Ya Later.

  And now he's down upon one knee, Bowin' oh so charmingly, And winkin' and smilin' -- it's easy to see Danny O'Dare wants to dance with me.

  FURNITURE BASH

  [Drawing: a fist coming out of the middle of an alarm clock face]

  The hand of the clock Pinched the foot of the bed, So the foot of the bed Kicked the seat of the chair, So the seat of the chair Sat on the head of the table, So the head of the table Bit the leg of the desk, 16

  So the leg of the desk Bumped the arm of the couch, So the arm of the couch Slapped the face of the clock.

  And they pinched and they punched And they banged and they knocked, And they ripped and they flipped, And they rolled and they rocked, And the poor dresser drawer Got a couple of socks.

  There was sawdust and springs When I turned on the light After that horrible furniture fight.

  And that's the truth, no lie -- no joke.

  That's how your furniture All got broke.

  WHY IS IT?

  Why is it some mornings Your clothes just don't fit?

  Your pants are too short 17

  To bend over or sit, Your sleeves are too long And your hat is too tight --

  Why is it some mornings Your clothes don't feel right?

  [Drawing: Child, with underwear on head, pants on arms, shirt on instead of pants and gloves on feet.]

  TURKEY?

  I only ate one drumstick At the picnic dance this summer, Just one little drumstick --

  They say I couldn't be dumber.

  One tough and skinny drumstick, Why was that such a bummer?

  But everybody's mad at me, Especially the drummer.

  [Drawing: unhappy face, with beanie on top, and cheeks bulging with the outline of a musician's drumstick.]

  LONG-LEG LOU AND SHORT-LEG SUE

  [Drawing: face at the bottom next to long pair of legs going all the way 18

  to

  the top of the page]

  Long-Leg Lou and Short-Leg Sue Went for a walk down the avenue, Laughin' and jokin' like good friends do, Long-Leg Lou and Short-Leg Sue.

  Says Long-Leg Lou to Short-Leg Sue, "Can't you walk faster than you do?

  It really drives me out of my mind That I'm always in front, and you're always behind."

  Says Short-Leg Sue to Long-Leg Lou, "I walk as fast as I'm meant to do."

  "Then I'll go walkin' with someone new,"

  Says Long-Leg Lou to Short-Leg Sue.

  Now Long-Leg Lou, he walks alone, Looking for someone with legs like his own, And sometimes he thinks of those warm afternoons Back when he went walkin' with Short-Leg Sue.

  And Short-Leg Sue strolls down the street Hand in hand with Slow-Foot Pete, 19

  And they take small steps and they do just fine, And no one's in front and no one's behind.

  MY ROBOT

  I told my robot to do my biddin'.

  He yawned and said, "You must be kiddin'."

  I told my robot to cook me a stew.

  He said, "I got better things to do."

  I told my robot to sweep my shack.

  He said, "You want me to strain my back?"

  I told my robot to answer the phone.

  He said, "I must make some calls of my own.

  I told my robot to brew me some tea.

  He said, "Why don't you make tea for me?"

  I told my robot to boil me an egg.

  He said, "First -- lemme hear you beg."

  I told my robot, "There's a song you can play me.'

  He said, "How much are you gonna pay me?"

  So I sold that robot, 'cause I never knew Exactly who belonged to who.

  [Drawing: robot lounging with drink in hand; a girl offers it a tray of 20

  food and drink]

  THE DEADLY EYE

  [Drawing: a single eye with eyebrow]

  It's the deadly eye Of Poogley-Pie.

  Look away, look away, As you walk by, 'Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die.

  It's a good thing you didn't...

  You did?...

  Good-bye.

  THE VOICE

  There is a voice inside of you That whispers all day long, "I feel that this is right for me, I know that this is wrong."

  No teacher, preacher, parent, friend Or wise man can decide What's right for you -- just listen to 21

  The voice that speaks inside.

  MARI-LOU'S RIDE

  [Drawing: at the bottom of the page a sea of faces; at the top a girl sits on a swing, flying through the air, with one shoe flying in front of her and the swing ropes attached to nothing behind her.]

  The swing swang The ropes snapped The seat sailed And she flew.

  Her heart sang Her shirt flapped Her coat tailed Her hair blew.

  The bells rang The crowd clapped Her mom wailed And wept too.

  Then crash -- bang Into her lap By air mail 22

  Came Mari-Lou.

  THE MONKEY

  [Drawing: monkey climbing a banana tree]

  1 little monkey

  Was goin' 2 the store

  When he saw a banana 3

  He'd never climbed be4.

  By 5 o'clock that evenin'

  He was 6 with a stomach ache 'Cause 7 green bananas Was what that monkey 8.

  By 9 o'clock that evenin'

  That monkey was quite ill, So 10 we called the doctor Who was 11 on the hill.

  The doctor said, "You're almost dead.

  Don't eat green bananas no more."

  The sick little monkey groaned and said, "But that's w
hat I 1-2 the 3-4."

  IMAGINING

  23

  You're only just imagining

  A mouse is in your hair.

  You've got to stop imagining That mice are everywhere.

  I think you're just imagining To give yourself a scare, But trust me dear, I wouldn't lie: There is no mouse up there.

  [Drawing: girl with an elephant in her hair]

  CEREAL

  [Drawing: bowl of cereal]

  Rice Krispies stay crisp, though they now and then lisp As they whisper their "thnap crackle pop" in your bowl, And though you pour a tall can Of milk on your All Bran, It never will turn into glop (so I'm told).

  I know Shredded Wheat will stay crumbly and neat Though you soak it a year in the depths of the ocean, And from breakfast to lunch Your Post Toasties will crunch 24

  To show you their love and undying devotion.

  Oaties stay oaty, and Wheat Chex stay floaty, And nothing can take the puff out of Puffed Rice.

  But I wish they'd invent a cereal for someone Who likes it All floppy And drippy And droopy And lumpy And sloppy And soggy And gloopy And gooey And mushy And NICE!

  SIDEWALKING

  [Drawing: child walking gingerly on a sidewalk]

  They say if you step on a crack, You will break your mother's back.

  But that's just silly, ha-ha-ha-

  25

  Oops -- Plop -- Sorry, Ma.

  SCREAMIN' MILLIE

  [Drawing: Head, with mouth open wide and tilted back so that all we can see is open mouth, teeth, nose and some hair at the sides]

  Millie McDeevit screamed a scream So loud it made her eyebrows steam.

  She screamed so loud her jawbone broke, Her tongue caught fire, her nostrils smoked, Her eyeballs boiled and then popped out, Her ears flew north, her nose went south, Her teeth flew out, her voice was wrecked, Her head went sailing off her neck --

  Over the hillside, 'cross the stream, Into the skies it chased the scream.

  And that's what happened to Millie McDeevit (At least I hope all you screamers believe it).

  TATTOOIN' RUTH

  [Drawing illustrates poem]

  Collars are choking, 26

  Pants are expensive, Jackets are itchy and hot, So tattooin' Ruth tattooed me a suit.

  Now folks think I'm dressed --

  When I'm not.

  PINOCCHIO

  [Drawing: Pinocchio, as marionette, with long nose labeled in segments ("Lie 1, Lie 2, Lie 3" etc.), smiling at a smiling fish]

  Pinocchio, Pinocchio, That little wooden bloke-io, His nose, it grew an inch or two With every lie he spoke-io.

  Pinocchio, Pinocchio, Thought life was just a joke-io, 'Til the mornin' that he met that cat And the fox in a long red cloak-io.

  They cried, "Come on, Pinocchio, We'll entertain the folk-io, On puppet strings you'll dance and sing From Timbuktu to Tokyo."

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  Pinocchio, Pinocchio, Got sold to a trav'lin' show-kio, Got put in a cage by a man in a rage With a stick to give him a poke-io.

  So Pinocchio, Pinocchio, Out of that cage he broke-io To the land where boys just play with toys And cuss and fight and smoke-io.